An Intro To Anal Sex

We’re going down under for this article and talking all things anal. Odds are you’ve found yourself here because you’re curious about trying anal sex or are looking for some tips to up your game. No matter where your experience lands, we’ve got you covered. And luckily for you, butt stuff provides a lot of opportunities for puns. Whether the puns are for better or for worse, strap on in and let's get down and dirty. 

Before we do a deep dive, let’s make sure we’re on the same page about what anal sex is because it’s pretty broad. Anal sex covers any type of sexual stimulation involving the anus (aka butt hole). Anal sex does not exclusively mean penetration with a penis, so it can be given by and received by anyone. This could be penetration with fingers, a butt plug, or dildo, doing some external stimulation with a vibrator, or oral sex. Just like any other kind of sex, there isn’t a one size fits all way to do it. Some people might love it, some might hate it, and everything in between. If you and your partner are interested in trying it out, there are a lot of different paths to explore, so it may take a bit of experimentation before you find what works for you. 

5 Myths About Anal Sex

Myth #1: Only gay men and (some straight women) receive anal sex

Anyone who has a butt hole can participate in any version of anal sex. It’s not confined to a specific gender or sexuality. There’s a lot of stigma around straight men getting any type of anal stimulation, and that can cause people to limit themselves even when they’re curious. We aren’t saying you have to try anal sex to break the stigma, but if you’ve been interested in it, don’t let the fear of it being “only for gay men” stop you. 

If you have a prostate, involving it in sex might actually be more exciting than you think and there’s a reason why people are having anal sex in the first place. Prostates can have their own type of orgasm from external or internal stimulation. We went into detail about “P-Spot” orgasms in the 16 Of Your Sex Questions, Answered article.

Myth #2: The “back door doesn’t count”

We’re not really a fan of the concept of what “counts” and “doesn’t count” during sex. Sex looks so different for so many different people, so who are we to say what counts? People will sometimes use anal sex as a way to have sex without really having sex. But in our opinion, anything that you consider sexual activity, is sex. Your body, your rules, your definition of sex. The door you use doesn’t really play a factor. 

Myth #3: You don’t need protection during anal

While you won’t get pregnant from having anal sex, you definitely can still get STIs. There is still a lot of fluid exchange, potential tears in the lining that are not visible, and other materials involved when you’re getting the butt involved. If you’re having both vaginal and anal sex with a partner, it’s always good to use a new condom when you switch locations. Our condoms are great for both vaginal and anal sex. We’ll get to the lube in a sec.

Myth #4: Anal sex always hurts

Some people want to have an agreed upon level of pain during sex, like in BDSM for example. But we’re not talking about that situation here. For the people who don’t want that, anal sex doesn’t actually need to hurt. It’s a super common misconception, and that’s mostly because people go too hard, too fast, with too little prep when it comes to anal sex. The anus can stretch a ton without damage, but it needs a little more pre-gaming. Slow and steady really does win the race here. 

If anal sex is hurting, you’re probably not using enough lube or haven’t worked up to that size yet. Keep reading for some tips on avoiding unwanted pain during anal sex.

Myth #5: Anal sex makes you too loose to hold other things in

There’s no getting around it, the place to enter for anal sex is also the place for poop to exit. Just like any other part of the body, the anus can be damaged, and that can lead to complications with input and output. But having anal sex does not inherently mean you’ll have issues in the bathroom. This ties in directly with anal sex hurting. There shouldn’t be tearing or ripping during anal sex. Even if it’s a new sensation, it should ultimately feel good. If you’re pushing your body beyond its limits, that’s where damage can happen. Take it slow and you’ll be good. 

Safety First

After clearing up that anal sex, is in fact sex, that means all of the same rules apply here. We mentioned it above, but protection is still needed even when pregnancy risks aren’t involved. Anything that can be transmitted during other kinds of sex can be transmitted during anal sex. Beyond STIs, it’s also important to think about where anal sex takes place. Anal sex isn’t dirty or gross at all. However, it is happening in the same area where other stuff passes through and that’s just the name of the game. With some good hygiene tips, you’re likely not going to end up with brown tips on your fingers or elsewhere, but there may be microscopic particles that get left behind. This is why it’s so important to wash your hands or any toys you’ll be using before and after anal sex. If you’re having anal sex with a condom, swap it out prior to moving back to vaginal sex. If you’re not using a condom, do a quick wipe down before continuing on in your sexcapades.

Especially if anal sex is new for you or your partner, consent is essential. If it’s not a “hell yes” from everyone involved, then it’s a no, and that’s OK. Not everyone is going to be interested in or into anal sex. If you are interested but don’t want to go straight for a home run, try sticking to the outfield first. You can stay external through rimming (oral anal sex), using fingers or a vibrator to rub on the outside of the anus, or trying a beginner butt plug. If at any point something is uncomfortable, painful, or someone just isn’t into it any more, hit the pause button. You can always try another time or forgo anal play altogether. Great sex can happen with or without the butt. 

Pro Tip: Remember, a lot of bodily fluids can carry a level of risk for transmitting STIs. Especially if you are unsure of your partner’s STI status, safe sex practices should still be used even without penetration. If you’re trying out rimming, look into getting a dental dam. This allows for the same level of fun while staying safe.

Making A Game Plan

You’ve talked about it with your partner, you’re both excited, so all you need to do now is go for it. Well, kind of. Having enjoyable anal sex actually takes a bit of prep work. No matter which position you’re in for this play, let’s make sure you’re set up for success.

Pre-Game Rituals

If you’re on the receiving end of things, it’s really up to you on how you want to prep. There can be some anxiety when exploring a new body part, especially when it’s a body part that gets a lot of face time with the toilet. Do whatever makes you feel the most comfortable and confident. Some people like to shower beforehand, use water and an enema to flush out the rectum, use wipes, shave, go to the bathroom far in advance, or nothing at all. There is no right or wrong answer when it comes to prepping. If you have gone to the bathroom recently, we recommend doing an extra wipe down or rinse prior to having someone else in there, but generally, your body is designed to store poop higher up than where anal sex happens. If you do decide to use products or enemas prior as part of your prep, do some extra research to ensure you’re using products that are safe for your body internally. Even though things like soap keep your body clean on the outside, they’re not meant to clean you on the inside. 

Gearing Up

If we haven’t said it enough, you’ve got to have condoms and lube as part of your gear for anal sex. You should really never be doing any type of anal penetration without lube. There isn't the same kind of natural lubrication in the anus like in the vagina, so you need to supply your own. Not using enough lube is one of the main causes of injury and pain during penetration. You can use a water or silicone-based lube depending on which you like better. Silicone options tend to be a little thicker, slipperier and can be great for anal sex, but it doesn’t work well with silicone toys. So pick whichever works best for your game strategy.

Beyond lube, you also have to think about what you’ll actually be using during anal sex. If it’s the first time, it can be helpful to start with one or two fingers or an anal plug starter kit with varying sizes. Although it might seem fun to dive right in, bigger is not always better in the beginning. Be prepared for it to take a couple separate tries before you can even work up to anything that involves a penis. If you’re on the giving side, go as slow as your partner wants. They are the one who can listen to their body, know what feels good, and determine what they are ready for. Besides, you lose all of the best parts of sex if one of you isn’t enjoying it. 

Pro Tip: Only insert things that have a flared base. Unlike the vagina, not everything that goes in will not necessarily come out. The anus connects to the rectum which connects to the small intestines, and things will get sucked right in. Although it might be a funny story in 6 months, it likely won’t be as fun to waddle into the ER and explain the reason for your visit.

Team Huddle

You were wrong if you thought you could make it through this article without a part regarding communication. Whether you’re trying something new or not, communication during sex is always the key. But especially when you are trying something new, communication becomes that much more important. Chat prior to starting about the boundaries each of you have and your game plan, pick a safe word if you want one, check in throughout having sex, and finish things up with a post-game review. These things don’t have to be formal or stiff, they can actually be quite hot if you want them to be. Integrate it into your foreplay. Get some sexting involved throughout the day to verbalize what you want to do to your partner or have done to you, use dirty talk as a way to check in during sex by having your partner say what they want next in detail, and recap afterwards about what you liked the most and want to do next time while you’re laying naked in bed or taking a shower together. We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again, communication is key. Use it.

Running Plays

Once you’ve worked your way up, it’s time to try out some positions. You can do most vaginal sex positions for anal sex too, but there are some that tend to be a bit more beginner friendly. The first two positions  tend to let the receiver have a bit more control and the third position provides general easy access. 

• Lap Dance: Have the “giver” sit on the edge of the bed or a chair while the “receiver” sits on their lap. The receiver can sit facing toward or away from the giver depending on what's most comfortable. If the receiver’s legs aren’t long enough to touch the floor and move up and down, try using a shorter chair, some yoga blocks under their feet, or a chair that has bars to place feet on. 
• Cowgirl: The fan favorite Cowgirl position can also be great for anal sex. Similar to the Lap Dance, it can be done forward or reverse with the receiver on their feet in a squat or on their knees. Although this position can take a bit more physical effort for the person on top, it allows them to be almost fully in control as to how much penetration is happening.
• Down Dog(gy Style): This is a combination of doggy style and a flipped over missionary. Instead of getting into a full doggy style, have the receiver lie on their stomach. The giver will be in a similar position to missionary on top of them. This allows the receiver to relax as much as they can while lying down and is generally a pretty shallow position penetration wise. 

Finishing Things Up

Some people absolutely love anal sex and can orgasm from it, others love it but won’t orgasm, and others aren’t a fan. All of these situations are totally normal and unique to you. If you and your partner want to try integrating anal sex into the bedroom, it could be your new favorite thing. It could also be something you never do again and laugh about in the future. Either way, trying new things during sex can be vulnerable. Try to have a little patience for yourself and your partner, laugh through the weird sounds, noises, or fluids that are produced, and keep communicating through it all. 

If you’re thinking of trying anal sex with your partner after reading this article, the one thing we leave you with is remember to use lube. Lots of it. Lucky for you, we know where you can get some. Lots of it.