Debunking Common Sex Myths

Sex may just be one of the most misunderstood aspects of health and wellness. Whether you received formal sex ed or not, we’re constantly bombarded with media messages about what sex “should” be. But there are many commonly held misconceptions about sex and intimacy out there. That’s why we’re here to shine a spotlight on some of the most pervasive myths surrounding sex and intimacy. 

Myth 1: Masturbation Is Unhealthy 

While society doesn’t condemn masturbation as severely as it used to, the echoes of this myth linger to this day. This bias against masturbation goes back over a hundred years, with roots in religion and even misinformed science. In fact, many medical professionals and philosophers of the eighteenth-century linked masturbation to mental and physical conditions including blindness, insanity, and even death. Of course, modern science has debunked the idea that self-pleasure causes any of these effects. While any habit has the potential to turn into an addiction and disrupt a person’s life, we can safely say that the old-timey notions of masturbation don't hold true. In fact, some research suggests a link between masturbation and health benefits like improved sleep and lower stress levels. 

Myth 2: Only Spontaneous Desire Exists

Did you know that there are different types of desire? For many guys, “the mood” can strike seemingly at random. This is called spontaneous desire and it’s most commonly associated with the ability to get turned on without needing external or environmental cues. But this isn’t the only way that libidos work. Many other people experience responsive desire, meaning that their desire appears in response to an external stimulus. For example, people with responsive desire may not think about sex at random; instead, their feelings of arousal start once they engage in things like physical touch, watching porn, or reading a dirty text. Of course, no two people have the same experience with sexuality and desire. But it’s always good to understand the different ways that you or your partner can experience arousal. 

Myth 3: The Pull-Out Method Works

Ah, the tried (but not true) pull-out method. While there are circumstances where couples make a medically informed choice to have unprotected sex, this IS NOT the same thing as relying on the pull-out method. The fact is that the pull-out method is not a trustworthy way to prevent unwanted pregnancy. That’s because pulling out at precisely the right time (while ensuring that no semen has made contact with the vulva or vagina) is extremely difficult to do correctly. In fact, about 1 in 5 couples get pregnant each year while using the pull-out method. Plus, this method provides zero protection against the spread of STDs and STIs. Ultimately, getting on the same page with your partner on condom and birth control usage is the safest bet.     

Myth 4: Bigger Is Always Better

One of the most pervasive sexual myths in the world is that huge members are always better. But like any other standard, the world hasn’t always had the fascination with large penises as it has today. Researchers who studied paintings of “ideal” male forms from the 1400's to the present day found that representations of these idyllic penises have increased in size throughout recent history. Experts speculate that penis size has become linked with masculinity due to the rapid rise of the internet and other media channels. In other words, what we see in movies, TV shows, and porn can distort our expectations. But just as most people don’t have the perfect facial symmetry as Hollywood stars, most guys don’t have a massive porn star penis. And that’s okay! In fact, the average erect penis size is just over 5 inches. Every person’s preferences are different, and there is no conclusive link between penis size, sexual pleasure, or stamina.

Myth 5: All Men Are Always Down for Sex 

Building off of our second myth, not all men experience desire in exactly the same way. Society tends to put masculinity into a very rigid box, where they can only like, feel, and enjoy “manly” things. But this is an extremely harmful expectation. In fact, the world puts so much pressure on guys to be sexual mavericks that many can feel embarrassed or emasculated if they ever turn down sex. But this is straight-up dehumanizing. Just like anyone else, men have the right to feel however they feel about sex and sexuality. Some men have very active libidos, while others don’t think about it all that much. Other guys may have a more responsive form of sexual desire and don’t often feel turned on spontaneously. No matter where you fall on this spectrum, your desire (or lack thereof) for sex has nothing to do with your worth as a man and you always have the right to say no. 

Myth 6: Only Penetrative Sex Counts 

While penetrative sex can be great, it’s definitely not the only kind of sex out there. The idea that sex only counts if a penis has made its way into a vagina isn’t just exclusionary, but it’s also unrealistic. There are many ways to have sex including orally, anally, and through mutual masturbation. Additionally, some people may have physical limitations that make penetrative sex difficult or even impossible. So be wary of falling into the mindset that penetrative sex is the only “real” kind of sex. This frame of mind is limiting and doesn’t lead to a positive relationship with pleasure, exploration, or experimentation. 

Myth 7: Orgasm Always Equals Good Sex 

To build off of our last myth, MVP-level sex doesn’t always require an orgasm. While orgasm is important for most people, it’s good to acknowledge that amazing sex can happen without achieving climax. For example, a couple may spend a session experimenting with new toys or gear without really focusing on climaxing. This can give the couple the freedom to play around without the pressure of reaching orgasm. Alternatively, some people experience conditions like anorgasmia which make it difficult or impossible for them to climax. To claim that good sex only happens when both partners reach orgasm discounts the experiences of people across the world. Ultimately, putting too much pressure on yourself to reach orgasm may be counterproductive and get in the way of a truly satisfying sexual experience. 
 
While these myths are easily debunked, we understand that many of them are still widespread. Often, the cultural impact of a single myth can affect many people—especially when it comes to sex. But knowledge is power and we encourage you to keep learning more about sex with curiosity and a sense of adventure. We hope you gathered some helpful insights from this breakdown that can help you feel more confident about navigating sex and intimacy in your own life.

And email us if you have a question that you want to explore.