When it comes to sex, we know that men are often expected to know everything right off the bat. These expectations aren’t just unrealistic, they can be harmful to your relationship with pleasure. In order to be the partner of someone’s wildest wet dreams, you first need to understand your own sexual likes and dislikes. Come with us as we talk about some of the ways guys can talk about pleasure and explore their sexuality with confidence.
Is This Really Necessary?
The short answer is, hell yeah! While many people think that they have a complete understanding of their relationship with sex and pleasure, there’s almost always at least a little bit of room for deeper exploration. But if you’ve already found your tried and true moves, why bother investigating any further? Approaching sex and pleasure with an “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” mentality isn’t always in the best interest of a fantastic sex life. Being mindful of your sexual exploration will help you discover new likes that you can then communicate to your partners. So while it may be easier to stay on the beaten path, exploring and deepening your personal relationship with pleasure is well worth the effort.
Get Hands-On Experience
Step one in preparing to talk about pleasure with confidence is understanding your likes and dislikes in the bedroom. After all, it’ll be difficult to tell your partner what you want if you don’t know yourself. While masturbation may be an obvious option for exploring pleasure, we encourage you to think outside the box when it comes to solo play. From hand techniques to toys to porn, odds are there’s something new you’ve been wanting to explore. With or without a toy, you could try stimulating different parts of your body while masturbating like your perineum (taint), prostate, or testicles. If you’ve been interested in a new porn genre, give it a watch and see how you feel.
What matters most is that you pay attention to your body’s response as you explore. What part of your body feels best to touch as you masturbate? Does a specific fantasy or scenario turn you on? Are there any parts of the experience you don’t like? Getting into the habit of asking yourself these questions as you masturbate in new ways is crucial. This mindfulness will help you understand your current sexual interests and will help you discover new ones. Plus, standing firm in your self-understanding will prepare you to discuss pleasure confidently with your partners.
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Cut Yourself Some Slack
We get it. Centering yourself in a conversation about sex and pleasure may feel uncomfortable to some guys. After all, the world tends to ignore nuance and personal preference when talking about men’s pleasure, implying that all they need is a place to put their penis. This stereotypical view doesn’t accurately portray the complex needs and wants of the modern man. That’s why giving yourself some much-needed grace when it comes to talking about your wants and needs is so important.
Worthwhile partners won’t make this conversation more difficult than it may already be. If you sleep with people who value and respect you, they’ll likely be invested in mutual pleasure and sexual fulfillment. So if your partner is willing to help make your sexual relationship the best it can be, try and find comfort in the trust you’ve established. With this trust as your foundation, you can rest easy knowing that your needs and wants will fall on eager ears. And even if they aren’t into the things you want to try, that’s cool and needs to be respected. But a good partner would never belittle you for expressing yourself. If they do, you’re better off finding a new, healthier sexual partner. Being vulnerable in this way isn’t always easy, which is why cutting yourself some slack and maintaining your personal boundaries is one of the most confident things a guy could do.
Practice, Practice, Practice
If you’re like many other people, talking about yourself can be uncomfortable. Especially in a sexual context, you may be tempted to keep your wants and needs to yourself for fear of rocking the boat. But keeping your desires stifled isn’t your only option. If initiating these kinds of conversations is difficult for you, there’s nothing wrong with good old practice. While it may seem cheesy, giving yourself the opportunity to articulate your thoughts in solitude could help you start the in-person conversation with more confidence.
Everyone is different, so try out a few practice methods to find one that feels right. If you’re good with written words, try writing down all the things you want to tell your partner. If talking is more your speed, try rehearsing out loud to yourself. However, keep in mind that the goal of practicing is not to memorize a specific script. Instead, focus on getting comfortable with articulating your sexual wants and needs. Many people simply don’t have much experience putting their desires into words. So whatever method you use, practice until you feel more comfortable and confident about having a conversation about pleasure with your partner.
Remember To Have Fun
As difficult as it may be, try not to take things too seriously. After all, we’re talking about sex here! Sex is supposed to be enjoyable, and approaching conversations about pleasure with levity can make a world of difference. A good partner will want to have a mutually satisfying sexual relationship, so don’t be afraid to make your conversations about pleasure fun and exciting. After all, who ever said that talking about what you want in bed had to be a cold, sterile conversation?
Instead, try finding novel ways of incorporating these talks into your sex life. For example, you and your partner could play a game of sexy “would you rather” where you both propose new positions, scenarios, or fantasies. For those who enjoy a bit of dirty talk, you and your partner could take turns suggesting new activities to try as things heat up. If you or your partner prefer to talk outside of the bedroom, teasing each other throughout the day with quick texts or whispers about all the things you both want to try can also make conversations about pleasure even hotter.
In a world that often paints a dimensionless picture of men’s sexuality, we encourage you to explore with confidence. For those who struggle to talk about themselves in a sexual context, we know this isn’t always easy. But building confidence is a life-long journey that should be enjoyed. We hope that these tips will help you be more mindful of your sexual wants and needs, while also helping you build up the confidence to talk about them with your partner.