How Long Should Sex Last?

Even the most sexually confident guys out there have likely asked themselves at one point or another, "How long should I last in bed?" After all, it’s incredibly tempting to give in to the urge to compare yourself to society’s sexual standards. But as you might guess, the answer is far from simple and varies depending on your sexual preferences, dynamics, and health. Stick around as we explore the science behind sexual stamina. 

How Long Does Most Sex Last?

So, what do we know about how long sex usually lasts? Research has shown that, on average, vaginal sex lasts between 3 to 7 minutes. However, it’s important to note that this is an average and that this study reported individual participants lasting anywhere from 33 seconds to 44 minutes. Needless to say, how long sex lasts can vary greatly from person to person. Before you go searching for other studies, know the research out there tracks time a little differently – some researchers didn’t include foreplay or any type of sex outside of penile / vaginal sex. This results in a lot of gray areas and makes it even more difficult to find a universally applicable “average” to compare yourself against. 

Sex Isn’t Just About Lasting a Long Time

Good sex isn’t just about lasting as long as possible; it’s pleasure that satisfies and leads to a truly fulfilling sex life. Especially for men, society often emphasizes the importance of sexual endurance. However, your masculinity and sexual identity aren’t dependent on your stamina. Focusing solely on how long sex lasts can be counterintuitive. If you spend too much time hyper focused on endurance, you might overthink yourself out of good sex. 

So, what are we to do? As difficult as it can be, do your best to resist the temptation to compare yourself to a perceived standard. Instead, prioritize pleasure and presence in your sex life. The more focused you are on you and your partner’s pleasure, the more your relationship with sex can evolve for the better. Whether it's a quick, passionate encounter or a slower, more drawn-out session, good sex hinges on both partners feeling satisfied and connected. 

What Influences Sexual Stamina?

Several factors can influence how long you can last in bed, ranging from biological to psychological influences. Understanding these factors can help you learn more about your own sexual functioning while also helping you navigate sex with your partners.

Age

As you get older, it’s common to experience changes in sexual performance. Men may take longer to get aroused or maintain erections, while women might face issues such as vaginal dryness. For guys, this age-related decline in sexual stamina is often related to conditions like diabetes, high blood pressure, kidney diseases, and heart problems. 

Hormone Levels

Hormones, particularly testosterone in men and estrogen in women, play a huge role in sexual function. Low testosterone levels can lead to effects like reduced sexual desire, stamina, the development of erectile dysfunction (ED), and weight gain. While aging can come with new challenges in the bedroom, this doesn’t signal the end of your sex life. There are plenty of methods for navigating the age-related hormone changes that impact sexual endurance.  

Psychological Factors

Anxiety, stress, and performance pressure can make sexual desire and stamina take a huge nosedive. Even guys who don’t have recurring issues with premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction (ED) may find it hard to last in bed if they become too anxious. And that’s completely normal! Stress is one of the biggest enemies of good sex. On the other hand, feeling emotionally connected and relaxed can lower anxiety and help you have longer, more fulfilling sex.

Sexual Dysfunction

Premature ejaculation (PE) is a common condition that causes some men to climax sooner than they’d like to, while others may experience delayed ejaculation. Conditions like these are caused by a variety of factors including mental health, the use of different medications, and chronic conditions. While PE and delayed ejaculation can be disruptive to your sex life, they are also both treatable. Remember to keep your doctor in the loop if you have any concerns regarding ejaculation that happens too quickly or takes too long. 

Physical Health

Your overall physical health, including cardiovascular fitness, stamina, and pelvic muscle strength, can impact how long you last during sex. Regular exercise (particularly exercises that strengthen the pelvic floor and improve your cardiovascular health) can boost sexual performance and endurance. That’s because blood flow plays a huge role in getting and maintaining erections. 

Techniques to Last Longer in Bed

For those who want some tips on making sex last longer, here are some techniques you can try.

• Edging (Stop-Start Method): This technique involves slowing down or stopping sexual stimulation right before climax, allowing you to last longer 
• Squeeze Technique: This involves applying gentle pressure to the base of the penis just before ejaculation to delay the orgasm
• Kegel Exercises: These exercises strengthen the pelvic floor muscles, which can help you gain greater control over ejaculation
• Changing Positions: Experimenting with different positions that slow down the pace of sex (like spooning) can help delay ejaculation. The act of switching positions also provides a quick break that can help extend the fun. 

Sexual Dysfunction & Professional Help

As we mentioned, there is no singular “normal” amount of time guys should last during sex. But if concerns about how long sex should last stem from anxiety over sexual dysfunction, remember that you can always seek help from a healthcare professional. Sexual issues such as premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, or even low libido can be addressed through many different treatment options. These include medications, therapy, and lifestyle changes like exercise, stress management, and improving emotional intimacy with your partner.

The Bottom Line

So, how long should you last in bed? The truth is, there is no one-size-fits-all answer. Every person and every couple have unique preferences and needs. What matters most is mutual satisfaction, communication, and an understanding that the duration of sex isn’t the sole measure of a successful sexual experience. For some, a few minutes may be enough to feel completely fulfilled, while for others, longer sessions may be preferred.

Instead of worrying about “lasting longer” or meeting an arbitrary standard, do your best to focus on what brings you and your partner pleasure. At the end of the day, it’s the quality of your connection (not the duration) that has the biggest impact.