Even for the most sexual of couples, maintaining an active and fulfilling sex life in a long-term relationship can be a challenge. But don’t worry! It’s perfectly normal for the initial spark and intensity of a new relationship to even out as time goes on. But, exiting the honeymoon stage doesn’t mean your sex life needs to be any less exciting. One of the major benefits of long-term relationships is the deep intimacy and connection you develop with another person. Not only does this help meet your emotional needs, but a strong connection also serves as the foundation for a next-level sex life. Keep reading for some tips on boosting your sex life in a long-term relationship.
Communication is Key
You may have heard us say this more than a couple of times on The Huddle. But it’s impossible to overstate just how important communication is when it comes to sex. Whether you’ve known your partner for 30 seconds or 30 years, being able to communicate what you want and don’t want in the bedroom is essential for a fulfilling and exciting sex life. In the context of a long-term relationship, you have a fantastic opportunity to lean on the foundation of trust and communication you’ve built with your partner and strengthen your relationship even more.
But talking about fantasies and needs doesn’t come naturally to everyone. Even if you’re in a long-term relationship, it can sometimes feel difficult to open up about what you want in bed. However, your partner should provide you with a safe, judgment-free zone where you can talk openly and comfortably about what you want. If starting that dialogue feels difficult, here are some conversation starters to help get things going.
- …is one of my favorite things about our sex life. What’s your favorite thing?
- When you did…, it was amazing. And it gave me an idea about something else we could try.
- What do you think about incorporating…?
- …was great. Next time, could we try…?
No matter what exactly you say, keep openness at the forefront of your conversation. Talking to your partner about sex in a neutral, clothed state will help you have a productive conversation that’ll bring the two of you closer…in more ways than one.
Keep the Element of Surprise
Through the hustle and bustle of daily life, it's easy for intimacy to take a back seat. To maintain a healthy sex life in a long-term relationship, prioritizing intimacy is a must. But what exactly does that mean? While every relationship is different, there are a few tried and true methods for helping you and your partner keep things exciting. For example, setting aside time for dates, alone time, and connection becomes more and more important as your relationship progresses. Especially for people with lots of daily responsibilities, work commitments, or children, being intentional about how you spend time together becomes essential to keeping the spark alive.
Speaking of intentionality, another important part of keeping the element of surprise is, well…the surprise! Monotony can be a passion killer. So, consider spicing things up by exploring new experiences together. Whether it’s trying out new positions, experimenting with toys, or role-playing, try to keep the spirit of curiosity and fun alive in your relationships. But these surprises don’t have to be strictly sexual. Even small gestures like a sensual massage, a heartfelt text, or a spontaneous act of kindness can help keep the flame alive.
Foreplay isn't just a prelude to the main event; it's one of the most crucial elements. And it can make the difference between good sex and unforgettable sex. That’s because foreplay is sexual in and of itself. Even if every instance of foreplay doesn’t lead to penetration, that doesn’t mean your sex life is any less great. In fact, the more you approach sexuality with openness and ease, you and your partner may find yourselves being sexual more often.
Plus, the world of foreplay has endless possibilities. From make-outs to stroking to quick teases, foreplay can be a practice you and your partner incorporate throughout your day. This way, tensions will be at their highest when you decide to go all the way (or not). By stepping back and realizing that foreplay can be just as fun as penetrative sex, you’re opening up a world of pleasurable possibilities. So remember, the more you invest in foreplay, the more intense, satisfying, and active your sex life will be.
This tip may sound simple, but it can be deceptively challenging at times. That’s because relationships aren’t stagnant. Especially in a long-term relationship, people naturally experience the ebbs and flows of life. It’s perfectly healthy and normal for there to be periods of more or less sex throughout your relationship. Passion and desire aren’t constant emotions. The stressors of everyday life, raising a family, or cohabitation will naturally impact your sex drive. And that’s okay! What matters most is that you and your partner can always come back together and communicate.
As you and your partner grow and evolve, your sexual connection will also evolve. Embrace these changes, and see them as opportunities to deepen your bond. Not only is this important for maintaining emotional intimacy in your relationship, but it also leaves the door open for both you and your partner to be yourselves and feel safe experiencing the fluctuations of life and desire together. That way, you’ll always have an open path to reconnect and rekindle.
Ultimately, long-term relationships come with their own unique benefits and challenges. But, relationships that are worth having for a long time should also be worth the time, care, and attention it takes to keep the sexual spark alive. That’s why, when it comes to long-term relationships, working on your intimacy and sex life are one and the same. By maintaining communication, openness, and eagerly embracing change, you and your partner can enjoy a sex life that gets better and better with each passing year