Sparking Connection: Tips for Initiating Sex
Initiating sex can be easier said than done. Since every partner and relationship is different, it can be tempting to rely on the same old methods. While following your relationship’s natural rhythms has its benefits, it’s important to inject some spontaneity every now and then to help keep your sex life alive and thriving. Whether you’re in a new relationship or have been with your partner for years, finding fresh and meaningful ways to connect is key. Stick around as we explore some fun and unique ways to light that spark.
It’s All About Context
Context and atmosphere are key. If your partner has just finished a horrible day at work or is in the middle of a standoff with a toddler over eating their vegetables, they may not be super keen to get it on that night. It’s important to remember that these ideas are meant to help you and your partner feel tuned into each other’s emotions so that you can have more fun initiating sex. Rigid expectations won’t help you have the sex life of your dreams. So, we hope these tips can help inspire you to find creative ways of connecting with your partner in a way that works for both of you.
Create the Right Atmosphere
Ah, the power of setting the scene. The right mood can have a huge impact on both you and your partner’s mood. Think about things like lighting, scent, and sound when aiming to create the perfect environment. Does your partner have a favorite candle or scent? Do they prefer having fresh sheets to do the deed in? Questions like these can help you come up with ways to surprise them and help them feel comfortable. While some partners have a more spontaneous libido, others get turned on when their partner does an act of service for them like picking up the dry-cleaning or bringing home their favorite dessert. All in all, there is no cookie-cutter method of setting a romantic atmosphere. Think about what’s personally important to you and your partner, and go from there.
Get Creative With Touch
Don’t underestimate the power of physical touch. While there are more obvious ways to express sexual desire with touch, there are tons of subtle ways to use it too. A spontaneous squeeze of the hand, tight hug, or firm hold at the base of their back can help your partner feel desired. The key here is to use physical touch often (or as often as you and your partner are comfortable with) and without expectation. In other words, a back rub can just be a back rub. You don’t want to accidentally give the impression that you only touch your partner when you want sex. That can be a huge libido killer and create a very transactional atmosphere around sex. Instead, incorporate physical touch in different ways throughout the day that help you and your partner feel playful and close.
Have an Honest Conversation
To have the best sex life possible, you’ve got to communicate. For some couples, having a direct and open conversation works best. This gives both partners space to express their needs openly. If you’re both on the same page, then you’re that much more prepared to level up your sex life. After all, no one can read minds and even the closest of couples can have a hard time predicting what their partner wants. But how do you go about starting this conversation? Well, start by choosing a good time and place. Making sure you and your partner are relaxed and not distracted will help you have the best conversation possible. These talks can help partners feel even closer to each other, so it’s extra important to approach the topic with curiosity and without judgment.
Plan a Date Night with a Twist
Date nights are a classic way to set a sensual mood. But how can you mix up your usual date night routine? Couples that like to go out could try attending a baseball game, going for a walk on the beach, or booking a surprise weekend trip. For those who prefer to stay in, try cooking a special dinner, having a fun mixology night, or staging the living room for the perfect in-home movie night. Adding a twist to date night doesn’t have to be extravagant. Ultimately, you want your partner to feel like you know and understand them. So whether it’s a wild night out or a cozy night in, consider what extra touches you can incorporate to make your date nights even more special.
Send a Spontaneous Dirty Text
Don’t sleep on the power of a sexy text. For many people, anticipation is a huge turn-on. That’s why a steamy text can be such an effective way of letting your partner know you want them. Start by sending flirty or suggestive messages to your partner throughout the day. These can be as simple as telling them you’re thinking about them, or as steamy as sharing a fantasy or a playful tease. The key is to make your partner feel desired and to create a sense of excitement about what’s to come. By the time you’re together, the playful tone you’ve set throughout the day can create a natural segue into a more…physical experience.
Use Humor to Break the Ice
It’s no surprise that laughter brings people together. It also does wonders for easing the pressure and potential awkwardness around initiating sex. Being able to laugh together helps intimacy feel less intimidating and eases negative tensions. It can help both of you feel closer and more comfortable with each other. So, if you’re anxious about initiating sex, lean on the things that you and your partner have in common when it comes to humor. Whether it’s cracking a sarcastic joke or flat-out laughing away the awkwardness, breaking the ice with humor can be a huge confidence booster. And just like laughter, confidence is contagious. So try leaning into sex with more of a light-hearted and fun approach to help you and your partner feel even closer.
Explore Each Other’s Fantasies
Sharing your most intimate desires / wants and fantasies with someone else can be intimidating, but oh so rewarding. Being able to talk about your wants with your partner speaks volumes about the trust and intimacy you’ve cultivated in your relationship. So make the most of that closeness by exploring each other’s fantasies. Maybe one of you wants to try a new position or explore some novel sex toys. No matter what you’re experimenting with, remember to maintain a judgment-free environment. While there’s always a chance you might not be into all of your partner’s fantasies (or vice versa), the process of testing and exploring those desires with each other will help deepen your connection and intimacy.
Even for the most confident of guys, initiating sex can feel like a daunting task. But remember that there are tons of opportunities to mix things up and ease the tension that can come with initiating. Whether you try setting a sexy mood, having honest conversations, or planning a creative date night, the key is to approach your partner with respect and a sense of adventure. By doing this, you’re that much more prepared to grow in your relationship and maintain a thriving sex life.