Ah, the elusive g-spot. We’ve all heard of it, but it often goes overlooked as a tricky-to-locate area. We’ll let you in on a little secret – you don’t have to be a sexpert to find it. With some education, patience and skill, you too can track it down – and we’re here to break this down real easy for you.
What Is The G-Spot?
The g-spot is actually a part of the clitoral network, so "spot" is a bit of a misnomer. When you’re stimulating the g-spot, you are actually stimulating a part of the clitoris, which is much larger than we have been led to believe. The pea-sized nub where the inner labia meets is only the tip of the clitoris and divides into two “roots” that can be about four inches long.
Once stimulated, the g-spot can cause squirting and can help your partner experience a vaginal orgasm - we will discuss this later on.
Why Isn’t My Partner Having An Orgasm During Intercourse?
Did you know that it’s relatively uncommon for women to orgasm through intercourse alone? Dr Laurie Mintz, the author of “Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters” shared recently, only 2% of women masturbate to orgasm exclusively with penetration, so it's pretty interesting that society widely expects women to orgasm during vaginal intercourse, isn't it? Need more evidence? According to a 2017 study, only about 18% of women experience orgasms through penetration alone — meaning no hands, mouth, or toys needed. That leaves over 80% of women (and their partners) often feeling like they aren’t doing something right, or that something is wrong, when the reality is, that’s just not how a woman’s body is built.
So now that you understand that there is nothing wrong with you, or your partner, if she isn’t experiencing an orgasm during intercourse, we can kick that myth right out the door and learn the (not-so-secret) trick to helping women experience orgasms, g-spot, and otherwise.
Drumroll, the secret is the clitoris. Clitoral stimulation is beneficial, if not required, for most women to orgasm during sex. Try using your fingers or a toy on the clitoris during intercourse. Your partner will thank you for it. Now, it’s not impossible to experience an orgasm during vaginal penetration, but many people believe that the g-spot may be the key to vaginal orgasm during intercourse. You ready to learn more?
How Can You Find It?
If you think of the clitoris as a doorbell, the g-spot is the area roughly behind the doorbell, on the inside front wall of the vagina, facing up, towards your partner’s belly button. This region can vary from person to person, which explains why it can often be difficult to locate. The g-spot swells and becomes more prominent as your partner gets aroused, so first tip, don’t dive right in without foreplay.
Remember to focus on your partner’s pleasure, and don’t make this a treasure hunt. If your partner feels like this is a “goal” it can often feel like pressure, which is decidedly un-sexy. Talk about it beforehand and reassure your partner that you are going to explore together and it’s going to be pleasurable whether or not you find the g-spot. Let your partner know that if she experiences a sensation that feels like she has to urinate, then that is a good sign and it means you are in the right area. So, here we go.
- Take all the time your partner needs to get fully aroused. The more aroused they are, the more the g-spot swells and becomes easier to locate
- If possible, help your partner enjoy a clitoral orgasm before you start looking for the g-spot
- Use a silicone or water-based lubricant to decrease the friction
- Massage the opening of the vagina before inserting your fingers – you can also try a curved toy
- Move your fingers in a “come-hither” motion, pointing your fingers toward your partner’s belly button
- An aroused g-spot feels hard and ridged, kind of like the roof of your mouth. It will feel different than the rest of the vagina, which is generally softer
- Once you have found the right area, repeat the “come-hither” motion
- Most importantly, when your partner gets close to an orgasm, stay the course
Just beware that your partner may experience female ejaculation. Roughly 20% of women experience female ejaculation 90% of the time, and the ejaculate can be as much as 2 full cups of fluid.
What Is Female Ejaculate?
It is not urine, though sometimes it does contain some urine or uric acid. It comes from the Skeins gland, which produces a fluid that is chemically similar to seminal fluid. Anatomically, this is similar to the male prostate. Everyone’s body is different, so don’t put any pressure on her to make it happen or not. If it does, it does. If it doesn’t, that’s ok too.
Must For G-Spot Exploration
Let’s start off with a great lubricant. Whether you prefer a gentle water-based or a longer lasting silicone-based one, we recommend using a lubricant every time there is penetration. This will help make things more comfortable, keep it nice and slippery, and protect your partner’s delicate vaginal tissue.
There are also different types of g-spot enhancer creams and gels that contain ingredients that increase blood flow to the area. We recommend applying them to a toy and let the toy rub it in. As the blood flow increases to the area, it will swell and become easier to find.
G-Spot toys are a wonderful way to explore these sensations. Choose a toy with a nice curve. Encourage your partner to explore on her own.
Most Importantly, Find What Feels Best For Your Partner!
Talk about the experience. We don’t recommend doing it while you are laying in bed right after, but the next day is always a good time to ask what felt great, and what might be changed for next time. Remember, each person has different preferences – orgasms are not one-size-fits-all, so there’s no right or wrong way to orgasm. Not everyone will find satisfaction through g-spot stimulation, and that’s ok.