Tip and Tricks for Using Dating Apps

There is no doubt that online dating has drastically changed the game over the last few decades. More recently, dating apps saw a huge spike in users during COVID-19 related lock downs. They’ve expanded the ways we can connect and allow users to see people that they might not normally cross-paths with in their daily lives. But in the last couple of years, people are expressing burnout from dating apps and even swearing them off all together. A lot of us know the cycle of downloading a dating app, putting together your profile, getting excited about the first few swipes, then deleting it in a fit of frustration 2 weeks later when your inbox starts looking like a ghost-infested graveyard.

If you’re still on the apps or are starting this cycle over again for the 67th time (we’ve been there), it might be time to give your strategy a refresh. We can’t guarantee these tips and tricks will work for you, but they may just help up your game.

Find Your Match

Don’t worry, we’re not throwing you in the deep end (yet). Before you start swiping, it’s helpful to consider who and what you’re looking for on the apps. There are a lot of dating apps out there and most of them have a specific user type or purpose. Swiping on apps that are aligned with what you’re looking for or who you are can create a common ground to begin with. Here’s a quick guide to some of the most popular dating apps and who they may be good for:

Hinge has the tagline of “the app designed to be deleted.” It was created with the intention of people finding long term, more serious relationships. You can find people looking for all sorts of things on Hinge, but it’s not your traditional hookup app. Hinge profiles take a bit more effort and they make swiping more transparent by showing you everyone who “likes” your profile.

Good for: All genders and sexualities, ages 18+, long and short term relationships

Bumble is known for being the app where women message first. Its intention was to create a safer environment that disrupted power dynamics in dating. Women have 24 hours to send the first message to a new match and men have 24 hours after receiving that message to respond. If either of those windows pass without a response, the match disappears. 

Good for: Quick responders, heterosexual relationships, women making the first move

Tinder had a reputation for being a hookup app for 20-30 year olds. While it’s still a go-to app for hookups, there has been a recent influx of people 30-50+ looking for long-term relationships on Tinder. For GenZ and Millennial singles, Tinder may still be best for flirty messaging and casual sex.

Good for: All genders and sexualities, hookups, chatting, adults 30-50+

Coffee Meets Bagel positioned itself as the ideal app for finding long-term relationships. They’ve said the 91% of their users are looking for long-term relationships and requires people create in-depth profiles so that matches can skip the small talk. A lot of the features do require a paid membership and there isn’t as in-depth of a verification process for profiles as others, so there are definitely pros and cons to finding a match here.

Good for: Long-term relationships, serious daters, heterosexual couples, quality over quantity matches

OKCupid is one of the only apps that helps filter matches based on interests and personality. When creating your profile, you can set deal breakers and answer things that are important to you from religion to food preferences. It has a wide variety of users of all ages, sexualities, gender identity, and personalities.

Good for: All genders and sexualities, short and long-term relationships, finding common interests, ages 18+

FEELD created a safe space for people who are non-monogamous, polyamorous, exploring, kinky, and queer. It’s not your traditional boy-meets-girl dating app and is made “for the curious.” If you’ve been wanting to experiment, expand your dating practices, or are apart of these communities, FEELD is a great place to find like-minded people.

Good for: LGBTQIA+, polyamory, non-monogamy, kink, finding thirds, exploring

Grindr has users from across the LGBTQIA+ community, but is most often used by gay and bisexual men and transgender people. Its main feature is being location-based which makes it easy to find hookups and casual sex. There can be a bit of a learning curve, so keep the Grindr Dictionary handy when you first join.

Good for: Gay and bisexual men, transgender people, hookups, nude sharing, sexting

BLK is one of the only dating apps specifically for Black singles. It’s relatively new, having launched in 2017 and is focused on celebrating Black love. Because it’s not as tenured as other apps, there aren’t as many users on it, but it has created a much needed space for those looking to date within the Black community. 

Good for: Black people, heterosexual relationships, long-term relationships, cisgender people

The League was one of the original dating apps that required an application and review process before being allowed to use the app. They firmly believe in quality over quantity and are only for those looking for long-term relationships. You can even connect your LinkedIn to your profile, so this app is the epitome of “I’m looking for a man in finance. Trust fund. 6’5”. Blue eyes.”

Good for: Slower paced daters, corporate professionals, long-term relationships, heterosexual couples

Fast Forward has the goal of switching up the dating app process through video. Users make videos on their profiles answering different questions so that you can “fast forward” through the typical profiles. And similar to Bumble, you only have 48 hours to start the message before a match expires. It’s pretty new and currently only available in New York, but looking to expand in the future. 

Good for: Singles in New York, those comfy with video, quick responders

There are countless other dating apps including Farmers Only, ChrisitanMingle, and HER that create spaces for individual interests and identities, so do some research to explore what might be a good fit for you. 

Enhance Your Profile

Whether we like it or not, dating apps are the epitome of judging a book by its cover. From your photos to your bio and the answers to prompts, you have a split second to make an impression on those swiping, so you want to put your most authentic and best self forward. This might not mean having the most “polished” profile, but instead focusing on having a profile that showcases who you are and who you want to be with.

Pictures Worth A Thousand Swipes

You should always use photos where you feel your best. At the same time, someone else is going to be looking through your profile. If they can’t tell who you are due to only having group photos, don’t know what your face looks like because you only wear sunglasses, or aren’t sure if you ever leave your bathroom due to all the mirror selfies, they might not be as inclined to swipe right.

This is your opportunity to tell the story of you through photos and videos. Have a good mix of individual photos, so people know who you are. In other photos show yourself off with your friends, doing something you love, traveling to new places, or being goofy in some behind the scenes footage. It doesn’t need to be highly curated, but create a snippet of what life with you looks like. 

Keep in the drafts — blurry pictures, photos without you in it, and possibly that picture of you holding a fish (we know you look cool, but every other profile has a fish picture too).

Don’t Forget The Prompts

Prompts and bios on dating apps may very well be the bane of our existence, but they are worth the effort. Right now, your profile has some great pictures, but we need to bulk it up. You can share as little or as much as you are comfortable with and no need to take it too seriously. It's simply an introduction into who you are and what you’re looking for.

Use the things that you see in other profiles as inspiration, both on the apps and on social media. If there is a response that makes you laugh and is relatable, there’s no shame in adapting it to fit your profile. Ask your friends for suggestions. Maybe they have a quirky thing about you to include or can write a 5 star review “from a friend” in your bio. Having friends look over your profile is such a great and underrated way to get feedback and help writer’s block. Sometimes we all need our friends to be brutally honest about our cliché profile tropes.

If there’s anything that you feel is imperative for people to know about you such as being non-monogamous or having children, you can include that information too. You don’t need to include every deal breaker or attribute. Focus on giving a well-rounded peek into who you are.

Overused Prompts & Answers — 1. “I’ll fall for you if… you trip me” 2. “The worst idea I’ve had… downloading this app” 3. “I’m overly competitive about… everything” 4. “My most controversial opinion… pineapple does/doesn’t go on pizza” 5. “The best way to ask me out is… to ask me”

Step Up Your Messaging

You’ve got a match and have made it to the DMs. Gone are the days of sending “Hey,” “What’s up,” or “How was your day?” as a first message on a dating app. This is your time to shine. We like to keep a handful of unique conversation starters in our back pocket, but even more impressive is when you can start a conversation off of something in their profile. Find some common ground, respond to one of their prompts, comment on an activity they are doing in their photos. Not only do you want your message to give them something to work with, but now you can get to know them more. 

If you’re tempted to send a basic message, try using one of our go-to conversation starters:

For the comedian — “I have a deal-breaker question for you.” (followed up by an incredibly low-stakes, silly, and non-deal breaking question like “FMK french fries, baked potatoes, mashed potatoes” or “Which Harry Potter movie is the best? (there is a right and a wrong answer)”

For the romantic — “Important question - what’s the best flower?” (wait for their response) “Perfect, now I know what flowers to bring you on our first date.”

For the flirt — “Hey Siri, what do I say to the hottest person I’ve ever matched with?”

For the straight shooter — “My updated New Year’s resolution is to take you on a date. How does grabbing a drink on Thursday sound?”

For the cheesy pick up artist — “Are you my appendix? Because I’d love to take you out.” (optional: follow up with “I would like to deliver a formal apology for how cheesy that was.”)

Skip The Dick Pic

We’re not saying nudes are bad by any means, they can be a game changer under the right context. But dating apps aren’t always the best environment. First, the pics can easily be associated with identifying information such as your name, pictures of your profile, and location. Even if the nude itself doesn’t have any identity markers, your profile does. Second, some apps don’t have an “unsend” or “disappearing message” feature. Once the picture is sent, it’s going to be in your message thread forever. Your match can screenshot or and save your photo without you knowing. Third, a lot of nudes sent on dating apps are unsolicited. A 2020 study reviewing these types of photos found that 90% of people have received a sexually explicit image without asking for it and around 77% of people didn’t have a positive reaction to receiving them. So, let's not contribute to these stat's.

If you and your match are vibing and mutually agree to either sending or receiving nudes, go for it! Be safe and understand the risks, but have fun (maybe we’ll even create a Guide to Nudes in the future). Otherwise, we recommend not sending that dick pic, especially before you’ve met. If all goes well, you’ll have lots of future opportunities to send and receive consented pictures, but for now, it may not go how you’re hoping it will.

Moving To IRL

It’s easy to get stuck in messaging limbo. You’re having great initial banter, but eventually it fizzles out, someone ghosts, or you never move beyond messaging. If you’re ready to take things off-screen, the best way is to be direct. Let them know that you’ve loved chatting with them and would love to continue the conversation in person. For the people pleasers among us (we’re calling ourselves out here), it may be tempting to put the planning on the other person by asking when they are free or where they want to go. While this approach is totally fine, it can be helpful to make a specific suggestion to show your interest. 

Original: “Would you want to grab a drink sometime?”

Reframe: “Let's continue our conversation over drinks or coffee. Are you free Thursday night or Saturday morning to grab a drink at *insert bar* or a coffee at *insert cafe* depending on your vibe? 

This not only takes the pressure off your match, but helps get a date on the books faster and avoids potential ghosting. And dates don’t always have to be grabbing a drink or coffee. Suggest doing a common interest activity like going to a comedy show, a game,or acting like tourists for a day. There are endless possibilities. 

While you may be excited and ready to move things to IRL, your match may not. This could be due to comfortability, scheduling, or only wanting to chat via the apps. If you’re not aligned in both wanting to meet, don’t put pressure on them. It may be disappointing, but neither of you owe each other anything. Plus, you should get to go on dates with people who want to be there.

Women and transgender people specifically have to take extra precautions when using dating apps, so their reasoning for not wanting to meet up may be unrelated to you. To go the extra mile, especially if you’re dating women and transgender people, offer to Facetime prior to meeting. Suggest meeting in public places or somewhere they are familiar with. Some people even like to have a picture of a person’s license that they can send to friends in case of emergencies. If we could vouch for you, we would, but to your matches, you’re just a random person on the internet. Plus, being conscientious of the experiences of women and transgender people can be a real plus. 

Avoiding Burnout (It’s Real)

Yes, dating app burnout is real. For reasons from getting constantly ghosted to not wanting to meet someone IRL, more and more people are taking a hiatus from dating apps. Even with trends that swear off dating apps, they are still one of the top ways that people meet their partners. There is no right or wrong answer when it comes to using dating apps. It’s a personal decision that only you can make for yourself. If you are currently treating swiping as a sport, there are some ways to avoid burnout during your search.

You’re The Boss

Like we said, using dating apps is up to you. If you don’t want to be doing it, odds are, you’re not going to enjoy it. Don’t do it because you feel like you have to, your friend made you, or to compete with an ex that you heard made a profile. When you see it as a burden or chore, it translates into the messages you send and the dates you have. No one wants to talk to someone that is giving off “my mom made me do this” energy. If at any point you stop enjoying it, pause your profile, delete the app, and know that you can always come back to it when you’re ready.

It Might Not Work

This is probably not the advice you’re wanting in an article about using dating apps. But ultimately, you may not find what you’re looking for on a dating app or it could be a while before you do. Dating, hookups, friends, marriage, love, and every other version of connection is complex. You’re taking 2 or more humans with their own backgrounds, experiences, interests, traumas, and attractions to try to make a healthy relationship. When you think about it, it’s a miracle that any of us are able to intertwine ourselves with other humans to make relationships work. If there’s an exact science that provides a satisfaction guarantee, we’d love to know about it. In the meantime, take the pressure off of yourself that you have to find what you're looking for and you have to find it now. Keep living your life, engaging in relationships with friends and family, working on yourself, and having a variety of dating experiences. Even “failed” matches, dates, and relationships teach us something about what we want.

What Do You Want?

Speaking of wants, identifying what you’re looking for can help you avoid people that may not be well-aligned. This doesn’t mean that you have to cut off someone who isn’t your ideal match, but it can act as guidance along the way. If you are strictly looking for a relationship, don’t go on several dates with someone who’s only looking for something casual with the hopes that they’ll change their mind. The same applies to anything that’s important to you including kids, marriage, religion, or lifestyle. You might not know all of these things about a person after a few messages, but knowing what you want can help you guide your conversations along the way. 

Be Open

At the same time, be open. Dating is one of the best ways to learn about yourself and others. It can help you identify how you communicate, things you need to work on, what you need in a partner, what you’re attracted to, what you like in bed, and so much more. Being able to meet online gives us access to people that we may never come across in our day-to-day lives. Dating apps can be the perfect place to explore if you’re interested in dating other genders, trying out new kinks, or participating in non-monogamy. Do what feels comfortable for you, open yourself up where you want to, have fun, and maybe carry a condom or two for surprise ventures.

Wrapping It Up

Let this conclusion serve as two reminders: 

Wrap It Up: Literally. Especially when you’re having sex with a new or casual partner, protection is crucial. The last thing you want is to be frantically reading through our STI article or looking up pregnancy resources. There should never be an expectation or pressure from either party to have sex, and at the same time, it never hurts to be prepared. Want to impress your date even more? Keep some lube on hand too. Our Starting Line Up Kit has a trial-size bottle of lube that’s perfect for those on the go. 

Dating Should Be Fun: While we’ll all experience frustration, heartbreak, and rejection, it’s ultimately about being yourself and finding the connections that you want. Involve your friends, have fun, meet new people, try new things, and learn about yourself. Maybe a random match will lead to the best sex of your life, your future partner, or serve as batting practice for cheesy pickup lines.