Want To Try Something New In The Bedroom?
Everything in our sex lives has been new at one point or another. Each time we have sex with a new partner, there’s something we haven’t done before. It can be easy for sex to become routine, especially in longer term relationships. This is completely normal and not inherently an indicator that something is wrong. Schedules get busy, stress happens, and we settle into what we’re familiar with. Trying something new in the bedroom can be a way to get that feeling of newness in sex again. It can also help you and your partner discover something new you like and build intimacy. So if you’ve been tapping into your adventurous side, here are 5 things to elevate your sex life.
Spring Training
A quick warm up before getting into the good stuff. We want to make sure you’re sufficiently prepared from beginning to end.
Talking about sex takes practice, and it’s a skill that is built over time. It’s also one of the biggest factors in someone’s sex life. The better we can be at talking about sex, the better we can be at having sex. When trying anything new in the bedroom, it’s important to bring it up ahead of time. This removes the element of surprise and any perceived pressure to say yes in the moment.
The context of how you bring up wanting to try something new is also important. Suggesting a change or addition can unintentionally come across as saying that the sex you’re currently having is bad, which is not the case at all. People try new things in the bedroom for a hundred different reasons including for a special occasion, just for fun, because they saw something in a movie, or it’s been a fantasy of theirs. Frame it in a way that makes your partner feel a part of the conversation. Ask them if there’s anything they’ve wanted to try. Send them a video you saw on TikTok (or wherever) related to it. You can even make it into an activity for date night. You can take a Yes, No, Maybe quiz or write down things you would want to try on slips of paper, put them in a bowl, and pick one out at a time. You might be surprised by what your partner is interested in trying.
Once you’ve decided on what it is you want to try, establish some basic ground rules. Talk about the context in which you’re ok with it happening, what you’ll say if either of you aren’t enjoying it, and if anything is off limits. For example, if you’re trying light bondage for the first time, you or your partner may be comfortable with their hands being restrained, but not their feet. Or if you’re introducing dirty talk, there may be certain words that you don’t want used. Some of these may be realizations that happen once you’re doing it, which is why aftercare is crucial (don’t worry, we’ve got you covered on aftercare at the end).
Idea #1 — Mutual Masturbation
Masturbation is often thought about as a solo act, but it can very much be a part of sex with your partner.
The Rundown
Mutual masturbation is exactly what it sounds like, masturbating at the same time as your partner. It could consist of lying next to each other while masturbating simultaneously, but more often, it’s each person masturbating while in a close position.
The Playbook
Get into one of your favorite sex positions that allows each of you easy access to yourself. Some good beginning positions for mutual masturbation are missionary, cowgirl and 69. From there, it’s all up to you. The goal is to get mutual pleasure and get turned on by watching your partner touch themselves. It can be easier at times to have an orgasm when you’re masturbating because you can control and feel exactly what you’re doing to yourself. This is where mutual masturbation can be great for super quickies, increased intimacy, or as a warm-up round.
Going Pro
Incorporate orgasm control by attempting to time your orgasms together. This can be a little tricky and requires a little practice. If one of you is about to orgasm, try to wait as long as you can until your partner is ready – we know, it’s not easy. Then when you’re both at the edge, have that release together.
Idea #2 — Playing With Senses
Every single one of our senses are involved during sex, with some being more engaged than others. This is an opportunity to truly make sex a sensory experience.
The Rundown
Touch, taste, smell, sight and sound can all be focal points in the bedroom. Whether you’re increasing or decreasing a certain sense, each of them contributes to the fun in a slightly different way.
The Playbook
We’re going to focus on touch, taste and sight for this idea.
Touch is the sense that most people think about in relation to sex, but there are ways to change the type of touch. Think about textures and types of touch. You can use feathers, latex, spanking and tickling to invoke different sensations.
With taste, you can take eating in bed to a whole new level by using fruits, whipped cream, chocolate, or whatever you have in the pantry.
We might be cheating when we refer to this as “sight,” but blindfolding is a great way to enhance the other senses. When one sense is turned down, the others are automatically heightened.
Going Pro
Try cooling or warming a sex toy that your partner is comfortable with. Once cooled or warmed, run it across your partner’s body – touching the nipple, stomach or the inner thighs with it will bring on a whole new sensation.
Ideas #3 — Go Shopping
Yeah we know this might not be what you were expecting, but hear us out.
The Rundown
In person and online adult stores are full of inspiration. There are things that you may not even know about until you see them in a store. Going in person can be a fun experience and highly educational because sex educators often work there. They can give recommendations, demonstrations, and allow you to touch different products to see what you like. But not everyone wants to go to one IRL or has one near them. This is where online shops can be helpful. Take your time browsing together and look through all the options from the comfort of your home.
The Playbook
Decide on a day or time that you want to go to a shop or do some online shopping with your partner. Take the opportunity to look at everything, even if it might not initially sound appealing. Then decide on one (or a few) things to buy together. Don’t know where to start? Try a new lube. You’ll never be so excited to get a “Your package has been delivered” notification.
Going Pro
Do a gift exchange with your partner. Whether you go in store or shop online, decide on a budget and buy something for each other to use together. Be open to trying new things, just get your partner’s go ahead first.
Idea #4 — Scene Change
It’s time to change up the what, where, and when of your sex.
The Rundown
You can go as minor or drastic with the changes that you want. Whether it’s introducing a new position, new location, a new time of the day, or all three.
The Playbook
If you typically have sex in a bed, try the couch or the kitchen. If you normally have sex at night, try some morning sex or schedule a midday quickie between meetings. Try sex standing up or in a chair versus lying down. There are so many ways to switch up the what, where, and when of sex.
Going Pro
Wanting a bigger change? Find a private place outside or go to a local sex party. Make sure everyone consents and to bring protection with you no matter where your adventures may take you.
Idea #5 — Edging
Whether you’re wanting to make sex last a little bit longer or bump up the intensity of orgasms, edging is the perfect addition to your toolbox.
The Rundown
Edging is intentionally and strategically delaying an orgasm in order to have a stronger orgasm. It can take some practice to get the timing right and it’s helpful to be really familiar with your partner’s body. The last thing we want is for delaying an orgasm to turn into not having an orgasm at all.
The Playbook
If you’re confident in the familiarity you have with your partner’s body and responses, you’ll bring your partner right before the point of orgasming. Then before the orgasm actually starts, stop what you’re doing - we know this requires a little practice to get the timing just right. Don’t stop for too long, just a couple seconds is enough. Then resume what you were doing before. This can be repeated multiple times for a more intense experience, but it’s helpful to build up to it. Some people can find it too intense, so keep an open line of communication about what feels good. The goal is to still have an orgasm at the end, so starting and stopping too much can lead to over stimulation.
Going Pro
Incorporate some dirty talk into the mix.
After Care
Aftercare is an essential part of all sexual experiences, but especially when you’re trying new things. Whether you both enjoyed the new addition or not, having a moment to reconnect afterwards can restore balance. This can mean different things to different people, but it’s important to debrief what you liked and didn’t like. If debriefing immediately after sex isn’t part of your aftercare, make sure to set aside a little time to talk about it prior to having sex the next time. This gives an opportunity to hear what worked, didn’t work, or any new discoveries you each had about what you’re interested in doing moving forward. The point of aftercare is to care for yourself and your partner. Sex can be vulnerable and intense, so having a time to reconnect allows everyone to end on a good note before moving on with the rest of the day.