The Mystery of the Female Orgasm

"Did you come?" Even professional researchers on women’s orgasm and pleasure sometimes find themselves asking this question. No wonder so many of us have the same question. The difficult truth is that one of the biggest reasons women don’t like being asked is because many do not orgasm during partnered sex.

Believe it or not, sometimes the woman herself may not know if she came. One of our friends was in a sexual relationship for 4 years with the same person, experiencing pleasure and thinking she was in fact experiencing orgasms. But it wasn’t until that relationship ended and she had sex with someone new, that she had an actual orgasm. At that point she realized that there was a whole other realm of pleasure that she had accessed for the first time. Had she been orgasming before? Maybe, but the experiences in that past relationship didn’t touch what she had started experiencing now.

In some cases, a woman deliberately fakes orgasm. Why do women do this? The answers are varied, but often it is because men measure their sexual ability by a woman's response. Women who are not orgasmic may lie to protect their partner’s ego, or because she may be feeling like something is wrong with her.

Here’s the thing, women don’t have to orgasm every time they have sex. Many women say they enjoy the affection and closeness of intercourse without climaxing. While it's true that a woman doesn't have to come every time she has partnered sex, she will eventually see intercourse as a chore and want less and less of it if she never orgasms.  

Why do orgasms continue to elude so many women or feel like such an uphill battle to climb? There can be many reasons, but the answer lies somewhere between the belief that falling in love will automatically include orgasmic partnered sex, the repression of female masturbation, women not being taught sexual skills, or lack of understanding around a women’s arousal.

Here’s the key to everything. The clitoris is the source of orgasm for most women. Less than 15% of women experience orgasm as a result of thrusting alone and that typically only occurs when a woman is experiencing full arousal. The other 85% of women require clitoral stimulation to experience an orgasm. Yet, vaginal orgasm during intercourse remains the most sought after sexual experience in heterosexual couples. 

Here’s the tricky part about the female brain. Once she experiences a powerful orgasm, she wants to experience this again, but finds it challenging. Why? When her mind starts looking, expecting or trying to achieve it, it gets lost. It's similar to wanting simultaneous orgasms — it's nice when it happens, but does it ever really happen? It’s important to encourage her to stop thinking and allow things to progress naturally. 

The minute she thinks she is taking too long, or thinks you may be getting close to coming, or wondering if she’s about to catch the orgasmic wave, she’s outside of her body looking in. Experts call this spectatoring. To achieve an orgasm, the woman needs to be inside her body, focusing on the pleasurable sensations. 

How can a woman who hasn’t (or rarely) experienced an orgasm start to learn? One word, masturbation. One advantage of masturbation is that it removes the pressure and expectations of partnered sex. It can be a more direct route for women to enjoy pleasurable sensation and orgasms. Understanding how a woman masturbates can be a great guide to use in partnered sex, not the other way around. Although no two orgasms from self-stimulation are exactly alike, most women use some form of direct or indirect clitoral stimulation with or without penetration. 

Now, we’re going to share 6 common types of female orgasms, according to a leading orgasm researcher, Dr Betty Dodson.

Pressure orgasms are frequently the first type of pleasurable sensations that a woman may experience in her lifetime. These can be experienced by squeezing the legs together to get good feelings. Others experience this by letting the water run on their clitoris from a bathtub faucet. Some also report enjoying bike rides…

Tension orgasms, experienced by both men and women, through direct genital rubbing and muscle tension and rely on leg and buttock muscles being squeezed tight, with the rest of the body held fairly rigid. While holding the breath, a fast motion is used on the clitoris or penis for a few moments or minutes until orgasm arrives in a quick burst. Because these climaxes are silent, many of us grow up masturbating this way to avoid getting caught by our siblings or parents. 

Tension orgasms are the most common for the largest number of people, because most people are too busy to (or don’t realize they should) spend quality time enjoying sex. When a person spends more time building up sexual arousal by breathing, moving and allowing the body to express a little joy with sounds of pleasure, it will create a far more joyful and satisfying experience. Fast sex is like fast food - it takes the edge off hunger but it's not all that nourishing. While there is no such thing as having the "wrong" kind of orgasm, some are definitely better than others, here are some other kinds that you should know about.

G-spot orgasms Did you know that when you’re stimulating the G-spot, you are actually stimulating a part of the clitoris? The clitoris is actually much larger than we’ve been led to believe. Once stimulated, the G-spot can cause squirting and help women experience a vaginal orgasm. If you think of the clitoris as a doorbell, the G-Spot is the area at the back of the doorbell, on the inside front wall of the vagina, facing up, towards your partner’s belly button. This region can vary from person to person, which explains why it can often be difficult to locate. The G-spot swells and becomes more prominent as the woman gets aroused. It’s important not to dive right in without foreplay. Even better for both of you if she experiences a clitoral orgasm before the exploration begins. Many people report a very powerful sensation that is different from a clitoral orgasm. G-spot orgasms are also often linked to multiple orgasms. For more information about this type of orgasm, check out our other blog post here.

Relaxation orgasms are difficult to experience alone because it's nearly impossible to be totally relaxed while doing some form of self-stimulation. The best way to experience a relaxation orgasm is asking your partner for a little help. Some teachers of Eastern sex techniques have their students take turns giving and receiving manual sex with explicit verbal guidance telling each other exactly when and how to vary the stimulation. They are also taught to slow down, relax the pelvic floor muscles, and breathe to allow the orgasm to build more gradually. In Tantra, they call this kind of climax a “valley orgasm,” sinking down into the sensation instead of building up as in a "peak orgasm."

The meltdown orgasm is a variation on the relaxation orgasm with penetration and clitoral stimulation. While providing clitoral stimulation, slowly penetrate with a penis or a toy and gently press against the tip of the uterus with slow, deep movements. Instead of squeezing the PC muscles, she needs to try to keep everything relaxed. With each thrust of the penis, she may start to feel as though the orgasm is building of its own accord, and then her body will be overtaken by an orgasmic wave. This orgasm is very full and satisfying, but then again, most people have never had an orgasm they didn't like, some are just better than others.

Combination orgasms use both tension and relaxation, as well as, some form of direct clitoral stimulation with either fingers or a vibrator, along with vaginal penetration. Combining these five elements - clitoral stimulation, vaginal stimulation, PC muscle contractions, pelvic thrusting, and breathing out loud - make the combination orgasm the one that translates the most easily into partnered-sex. During intercourse, the woman or her partner simply adds her preferred kind of clitoral contact.

Multiple orgasms can seem elusive because of the popular misconception that they happen one right after another like fireworks in the grand finale of 4th of July - pop, pop, pop. The key to experiencing multiples is allowing for a buildup to each one. For most women, the clitoris is hypersensitive after an orgasm. Many women (or their partners) find that if they soften the clitoral stimulation, stay with it, and move into another build-up, then they can enjoy several more orgasms. Dr. Betty Dodson prefers to call them “serial orgasms” instead of multiples, which seems like a more authentic description.

What about those women who talk about having thirty to forty orgasms in succession. Is that even possible? They might be counting the aftershocks that follow a big orgasm. These autonomic reflexes can go on for several minutes or longer if clitoral stimulation is continued. Whether they are actually orgasms isn’t really known, but then again, does it actually matter?

There are many forms of sexual stimulation. And we probably left out a thousand other ways women, as well as men, achieve orgasms. However, at Champ, we are positive about one thing - among all this sexual variety, once a woman discovers what turns her on and is able to clearly state her pleasure, instead of the question "Did you come?" you will be asking "Do you want to come again?"